Le Jour de la Saint Valentin
by Reija Linn
Summary: SLASH. Take: Valentine's Day, The Marauders, a cheerful and fluff-loving teacher, Snape and a couple of ghosts, then mix with a teaspoon of mystery and half a slice of humour. Challenge Story.
1. Prologue: A Peaceful Morning

Title: Le Jour de la Saint Valentin  
Author: Reija Linn (T'Reija)  
Email/Feedback: theganan@gmx.de or thiari@theganan.de  
Archive: Azkaban's Lair, ff-net. Others please ask beforehand and leave the full header intact.  
Originally posted: SBRL list  
  
Pairing: Sirius/Remus, James/Lily, other m/m, f/m  
Rating: [PG-13]  
Summary: SLASH. It's Valentine's day and the school is alight with pink fluffy feelings... er... or not. (Challenge story)  
  
Spoilers: Haven't read the books? Do so. Right away. Do not eat, sleep or pause until you're finished. Then come back.  
  
Warnings: male/male sexuality and/or relationship(s) featured within. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. Simple really, though seemingly not simple enough for some dim witted clots out there.  
  
Legal disclaimer: I never have, nor ever will, owned the rights to the setting of the Harry Potter books or the characters featured within. The use of said settings and characters by me is for non-commercial purposes only and does not mean to infringe upon the given legal rights that belong to Ms. J.K.Rowling and those she has associated them with.  
  
Note: This was originally a reply to a challenge on a yahoo group I post to (SBRL). The challenge, for those interested, is added at the end of the story, but you should probably read the story first if you don't want to be spoiled. Trust me.  
  
Dedications: For Toni, for whom I wrote this one and who issued the original challenge.  
  
***  
  
LE JOUR DE LA SAINT-VALENTIN  
By Reija Linn (February 2003)  
  
Prologue - A Peaceful Morning  
  
It was the morning of February the First, and a beautiful morning it was. Winter hadn't yet fully left the countryside, yet spring was already peeking in through the branches of the trees sumptuously planted in and around the Hogwart's grounds. Titmice were chirping in the high crowns that had just started to grow green leaves again, and an attentive onlooker might have noticed a squirrel or two hushing about the no-longer frozen undergrowth, daring to leave their winter holes to sneak a look.  
  
It was an altogether peaceful Tuesday morning. Hogwart's was still asleep, only the house elves scurrying around, ever-active, to prepare breakfast, dust off the last couple of shelves and lay out the tables in the Great Hall.  
  
But nothing could be heard outside of the clatter of dishes or t dutiful buzzing around of the small creatures.  
  
Professor Dumbledore enjoyed these early mornings, when it was not quite spring, yet too calm and warm to be considered winter. Standing on his personal balcony in his moon-and-stars morning robes, not having bothered to get properly dressed yet, he watched the sun rise in a blaze of red-flaming skies that seemed to pay their respects to the day's namesake Brigit, the Celtic Goddess of fire and purification.  
  
The old wizard let the soft breeze move freely through his long grey hair that gushed forth from his blue and yellow sleeping cap, enjoyed the tickling sensation as the winds entangled his beard.  
  
This was going to be a beautiful and peaceful morning.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Or maybe not.  
  
The headmaster chuckled softly. He prided himself on knowing each of his pupils, some better than even they knew themselves. And this was a voice he would have recognised out of a hundred, or even a thousand voices.  
  
James Potter, sixth year Gryffindor prefect. Ambitious, cunning, with high expectations of himself and others - yet always just, even and especially towards those weaker than him. Fair and loyal towards his friends and those seeking his advise, yet a devilish prankster with a mind as quick as lightning.  
  
Pricking his ears Dumbledore could just make out the laughter coming from the open window in one of the Gryffindor Tower's dorms. The restrained chuckling of young Remus Lupin, who seemed so timid and calm to those who did not know him, yet with a mind as strong as iron and a truly wicked sense of humour. The guffawing of Peter Pettigrew, always one to join in any joke, yet with such a low opinion of himself that his true talents never really showed to the unknowing observer. And, of course, young Sirius Black, his roaring laughter clearly distinguishable from the rest.  
  
The headmaster chuckled again when he thought of Sirius Black. Dare-devil if ever he'd met one, and too witty for his own good. In almost a hundred years of teaching, Dumbledore had never met a pupil quite so demanding, yet with so much promise. It wasn't that Sirius Black was better than anyone else - though he was amongst the most talented pupils, there were others just as bright. And it wasn't only his quick mind and tongue that set him apart from others, though he obviously possessed both.  
  
Perhaps it had something to do with his instinctive grasp of how and why the world moved around him, paired with a total lack of acceptance for the way things were or should be. Sirius Black belonged to the group of people that could convince you that black was white and that the sun moved around the Earth, and really believe it, but not in the delusional way most people of the sorts had. Albus Dumbledore felt certain that there was some great future in the boy, though as to in which direction it would lead him he was uncertain.  
  
But, to the matter at hand. Since the other three members of the group that was well-known in Hogwart's under the name of Marauders were laughing, there had obviously been some kind of incident concerning the aforementioned James Potter. The old headmaster wondered what it could be. Of course, he *could* have consulted his crystal ball, tuned to show him any place of the castle at his command. But, that would take all the fun out of guessing, wouldn't it?  
  
Ah, well, perhaps it would show at breakfast.  
  
***  
  
"Well, try as you might, but I'm absolutely *not* going down to breakfast like *this*. Lily'll be there, and..."  
  
Still grinning broadly Sirius turned towards Remus, his hand placed on his left breast, and his features transformed themselves into a goofy expression, eyelids fluttering. "Lily. My heart. Most beautiful of flowers. Would you like to go into Hogwart's with me this weekend?"  
  
Remus snickered, then he, too, struck a pose. "Oh, James, I can't tell you how long I've waited for you to ask me that. Believe me, I'd love to, but..." At this, Remus made as if turning his eyes down in sorrow. "I can't. I'm sorry. It's just..." Remus smirked at the prefect for a moment before posing as Lily again, "your hair clashes so *terribly* with mine."  
  
James responded by very maturely sticking out his tongue at the other boys, while his three roommates cackled away. "You just wait. *Someone* is going to pay dearly for this." He groaned. "Why, oh *why* did it have to be *pink*?"  
  
"Because green, blue and purple polka dots have all been done before?"  
  
James shot a murderous glance at Peter. "Not you, too. And just after I've let you copy transfiguration from me yesterday."  
  
"You're not being fair, Jamie," Remus chimed in. "After all, you copied Peter's history essay."  
  
James mumbled something about Quidditch practises and the house cup.  
  
"Snape!" Sirius suddenly said enthusiastically.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Snape! He's the one who'll pay for this."  
  
"We don't even know whether it was him."  
  
"Well, if he's not responsible for this, he's the culprit in another scheme. Doesn't really matter, does it?"  
  
"But..."  
  
"Oh, come off it, Peter, Remus. Since when has playing a practical joke on Snape become a bad idea?"  
  
Remus eyed him levelly. "I just don't think it's wise to draw too much of his attention toward us. Give him a break after what has happened."  
  
Sirius groaned. "I've given him three totally prank-free months already. I'm beginning to suffer from withdrawal. See my eye twitching?" He purposefully twitched his right eye.  
  
"That causes bad eyesight, you know? Not good for the muscles." Peter remarked.  
  
"Oh, come on. Just a harmless little jest..."  
  
"Well..." Remus considered.  
  
"Please?"  
  
"No puppy eyes, Sirius, or it's the newspaper. What were you thinking of?"  
  
Sirius waved to the others to come closer, then whispered his suggestion into their ears.  
  
Twenty minutes later, the Marauders emerged from their dorm, wide grins plastered on their faces - even James' - as clear a warning to everyone around them as if they were holding a sign above their heads saying "Beware, Marauders in action." 


	2. Chapter 1: Entrée Madame Dubois

Chapter 1 - Entrée Madame Dubois  
  
Madame Dubois was a small, plump, jolly woman of around seventy - which was, when counting in wizard years, not all that old yet. Not old enough, by any means, to be considering pension. And as the wizarding world was filled with all kinds of strange things, she didn't even blink when James Potter entered the divination classroom, his short, usually raven black hair dyed a bright, neon pink.  
  
She was generally considered one of the more pleasant teachers by most of her pupils. She was kind, patient, good-natured and, most importantly, hardly ever dealt out house point penalties, since she considered the whole house competition business a means of training the young towards petty rivalry. In her country, she would often proclaim, such a thing would be considered abominable and beneath contempt.  
  
If there was one thing about Madame Dubois that her pupils considered nerve-racking, it was her effusive nature. She would often be over-excited about one subject or another, wildly gesticulating with her large hands that seemed quite out of proportion to the rest of her body.  
  
And it was such a state she was in that particular morning. Fanning away at the air she greeted the class with a cheery smile.  
  
"Ah, mes chers, it is only two weeks until le jour de la Saint-Valentin! Monsieur Potter 'ere is right to rejoice at such a day, though he is a little early!"  
  
'Monsieur Potter' (or Pottair, as it sounded when Madame Dubois said it, which had led Peeves the Poltergeist to compose a strange song with quite unrelated reference to potatoes) responded by turning a crimson shade quite unbecoming his hair colour while the rest of the class - especially the other three Marauders - snickered. Peter, who had some artistic talent, quickly drew a sketch of pink-haired James in a pink bunny-rabbit suit (suspiciously reminding the others of James' plush toy which he kept hidden under his pillow during the day), holding a heart-shaped box of chocolates with the word 'Lily' written on it, while Sirius softly chanted Peeve's newest song, 'Potter the Pink', under his breath. The Slytherins - for this was a Slytherin-Gryffindor mixed class - merely threw obscene gestures and evil grins in poor James' general direction.  
  
"It iz such spirit zat we need for our lesson today! We start today with an art zat even ze muggles have discovered. Zough, as always, zey 'ave made it wrong. Le test de compatibilité!"  
  
Though Madame Dubois tended to mix her native tongue with English, everyone in the class understood what she meant by this. There were loud groans all around, and some delighted chuckles. The chuckling coming mostly from those without a current love interest, as they gleefully awaited the results of the other people's quizzes. Groans from all the rest - amongst them James Potter -, who were anxious as to what the results might say. What if the person they were interested in wasn't compatible to them? What if they were, and the whole school would find out? What if their girl- or boyfriend was better-suited to someone else?  
  
"Do we have to?" Peter finally moaned. He'd been eying a Slytherin girl in their year for some weeks now, much too shy to do anything about it, certain that she would mock him terribly in front of the entire school before cursing him to Antarctica or beyond.  
  
"Ah, but where iz *your* esprit, Monsieur Pettigrew? Of *course* you must!" Her big hands were, once again, waving about madly. "And, as special treat for ze most compatible couple, zey will 'ave a beau dîner together, in 'ogsmeade. I 'ave already arranged it all with ze 'eadmaster. All my sixth and seventh years pupils are doing it."  
  
"What if they don't like each other at all?" Lily Evans chimed in. James' heart sank as he thought he had seen her head turning ever so slightly towards him.  
  
"But zat will not 'appen! Zey will be compatible, so zey will enjoy it!"  
  
Madame Dubois waved some similar doubts away with her hands. There was no arguing with the woman once she'd set her mind on something.  
  
"Now, we will start practicing. Open your books, please, mes chers!"  
  
***  
  
The atmosphere was in part subdued in the dorm of the four Gryffindor boys, as it was in some other dorms throughout the school. While Remus unperturbedly read an article in "The Warlock" - a dreadfully tiresome newspaper filled with politics and economy and scientific essays and little else - and Sirius merrily made fun of the two other occupants of the room, James and Peter vied with each other in what could possibly go wrong during the next couple of Divination lessons.  
  
"Why does it have to be a Love Match spell?" James groaned, not for the first time that evening. "What if I don't get paired with Lily? What if the test says I'm most compatible with, hum, dunno, Melissa Trotter or someone?"  
  
Melissa Trotter was a small, pig-tailed Hufflepuff girl in their form who had admired and tagged after James for almost one and a half years now. She was a nice girl, all in all, but overly prone to hero-worship of a certain Quidditch captain.  
  
"Don't worry about Melissa, Jamie," Peter clapped his back good-naturedly. "Think about being paired off with Snape or something!"  
  
Sirius halted his twenty and fourth tirade of "Pink Potter" that evening, much to the delight of the other boys, stopping dead in his tracks. He had tried to find suitable dance steps to the atrocious song, an endeavour everyone, especially James, hoped he would not succeed in.  
  
"That can *happen*?" he asked, dumbfounded. Though he was undoubtedly brilliant in most school subjects, he had never bothered much with reading up on charms, especially love charms, claiming them stupid fancies of air headed teenage girls. Never mind he himself could, at times, be a quite air headed teenage boy. "I mean, aren't those spells supposed to pair boys with girls or something?"  
  
"Doesn't really matter. As far as I know," Peter continued, "they work independently from gender. I seem to remember reading today that the Love Match charm considers only who would be best matched, with no actual consideration for age, single interests, fancies or sex."  
  
"But... but..." Sirius seemed quite shaken by Peter's lecture, so much so that even Remus lifted his head from his book curiously.  
  
"Does that bother you so much then, Padfoot?" the werewolf asked him with an air of amusement, but also with an underlying anxiety.  
  
"Well... not really, I suppose. I'm just trying to get the thought of being paired with Snape out of my head."  
  
"Ah, if it's only that, don't worry yourself too much. I don't really think you two are compatible in *any* way possible, much less so in a love match."  
  
"Yeah... you're right," Sirius agreed, trying to sound light-hearted. He did not, however, continue with his ludicrous dance, and the other boys were spared yet another revival of Peeves' song all evening.  
  
Something was obviously troubling Sirius. 


	3. Chapter 2: A Plan set in Motion

Chapter 2 - A Plan set in Motion  
  
Nor did whatever it was disappear from the boy's mind during the next week. While at first he had been one of the people chuckling in class about the new divination project, even making fun of James' and Peter's anxiety, he was now himself quite anxious, especially after they had filled out their questionnaires for the Love Match charm two days ago. So anxious, in fact, that he'd almost forgotten about the newest prank the Marauders had planned.  
  
Only when James nudged him during one particularly boring History of Magic lesson - Dwarven mining politics indeed! - and passed him a note did Sirius finally come back to the task at hand - or rather, at the current state, at mind.  
  
They had agreed upon the different roles they would play in this particular mischief beforehand. Peter was to use his artistic talents in creating the actual object. James, ever the diplomat in their small band, was to recruit a fifth player in their midst, though the additional culprit would be quite unaware of the purpose of his task. Remus, the only one amongst them who had the actual serenity to stand a particular person without going totally bonkers about it was to drop hints to aforementioned person about a certain long-nosed member of the Slytherin house. And Sirius had what they all agreed on was the most difficult, if not the most trying task of all.  
  
Or, in other words, recruit Peeves the Poltergeist to work on this prank alongside the Marauders. Without, it may well be mentioned, buggering up their plan beforehand by announcing it to the whole school and their father's dogs.  
  
It was he himself who had thought up this particular ingenuity. And, quite fittingly, it had been the ludicrous words to "Potter the Pink" that had inspired his idea. After all, who better to come up with a devious - if not artistically valuable - song than the most devious songwriter of all Hogwart's in the past three hundred and fifty-two years?  
  
So did it come to pass that on the evening of Saturday, February Fifth, one sixth year Gryffindor boy could be found not in his bed, or the common room, or even in the school's kitchen - though he had planned on a short raid once his task was completed - but creeping up a stairway in the east tower of the castle. Well, to be precise, 'to be found' was probably the wrong term. Sirius Black was, after all, a Marauder, and equipped only with the best accessories.  
  
James' invisibility cloak loosely fitted around him, the hood pulled up as to make him completely invisible to any human onlooker, Sirius Black could only be spotted by the small, dimmed light of his wand and a corner of the Marauder's Map protruding from under the cloak.  
  
Twice already he had, by pure chance and quick thinking, escaped the piercing stare of Mrs. Norris, the caretaker's evil cat. The boys had long found out that invisibility cloaks only worked on cats in the daylight, for some strange reason, and even then only in combination with a scent-blocking spell.  
  
And still, no sight of Peeves, the damn bugger!  
  
Of course, equipped with the Marauder's Map, it should have been easy to spot the darned berk. And indeed it was, but whenever Sirius had arrived at the room where Peeves had previously been the room was empty, and the small dot labelled 'Peeves' was in the next room, or the one below, or indeed the other end of the castle. Damn those stupid ghosts for being able to sift through walls!  
  
Though Sirius had to wonder how the Poltergeist could evade him so swiftly. After all, invisibility cloaks may not work on cats at night, but they bloody well *do* work on ghosts. Either Peeves had spotted him by the light of his wand and had then decided to play a game of find and catch, or the blasted scoundrel was just off on his usual 'castle business'.  
  
So far, Sirius had followed him to the Astronomy tower, the Slytherin dungeon, the upper left tower of the southern castle wing. And now, finally, the east wing. It seemed a perfectly erratic route. But there had to be some plan behind it, right? Unless Peeves was just enjoying one of his fits of altering random staircases, or replacing all the castle portraits whilst their inhabitants were off somewhere else as to annoy them, or...  
  
But, of course! The teaching rooms!  
  
Quickly, Sirius pulled out the map and connected all of Peeve's spots of interest with his finger. The Astronomy Tower's teaching room. The Slytherin Dungeon - Professor Battery's classroom. Professor Flitwick's... McGonagall's...  
  
Smugly, he put away the map. Peeves was heading towards old Professor Atkinson's classroom, so much he knew. Time enough to go to one classroom Sirius was *sure* the Poltergeist hadn't been to yet.  
  
A couple of minutes later, Sirius arrived at the staircase leading up to Madame Dubois' cosy little classroom. The faint scent of rose oil and incense was still in the air, not enough to be choking but still managing to make the small room seem stuffed. Pink and purple plush cushions were lying around everywhere, some on chairs, others stocked in a corner, yet others arranged to make a kind of divan on the floor. The windows were draped with heavy brocade curtains, which Sirius pulled back with some effort to let some air into the room.  
  
He did not have to wait long for Peeves to approach the room, cackling and muttering to himself.  
  
"He, he, he. Exorcise poor old Peeves from the castle! Don't think so, no sir. They think Peeves is stupid, they do, but not with me, they won't. Now, now, think, Peeves. Where could it be? They're too clever to hide it in the Defence Room, but not clever enough to outwit Peeves the Poltergeist." The ghoul chuckled to himself. "Where's this, now. La chamber de Mdm. Dubois. Dubois. Dubois, Dubois, 'ave you got that skull of moi?"  
  
Sirius shook his head in confusion. The Defence Room? Exorcise? A skull? Trying to figure out the meaning of all this, he cast a confused look around the room. And, to his surprise, he noticed something he hadn't before. There, hidden behind a cushion of a particularly nasty pink colour, beside the crystal ball on a small, round table, sat...  
  
A skull. The dirty yellow colour of greaseproof paper gave away its old age. Sirius Black smiled, then quickly grabbed the skull and tucked it beneath the invisibility cloak with him. He was quite certain that Peeves was looking for this relic tonight, and he would get it. For a price.  
  
The boy started to turn back towards the trapdoor, then halted as he caught sight of something else on the small table. A large stack of familiar looking papers. He grinned. It seemed that the fates had presented him with yet another chance to play a prank tonight. And a satisfying one it would be, indeed!  
  
But, for now, to the task at hand. Peeves was just floating into the room, still cackling loudly. Though his expression fell as he searched the room through again and again, obviously not finding what he was looking for. Swearing loudly, the Poltergeist floated towards the trapdoor again.  
  
Just at that moment, Sirius addressed him, his voice lowered to a hoarse whisper.  
  
"Peeves..."  
  
Alarmed, the poltergeist turned around again, once sideways, then vertically, alarmed at not finding the person or ghost who had spoken his name.  
  
Sirius meanwhile continued to play his part. "Peeves. I know what you seek. I can help you find it."  
  
The boy heartily enjoyed his role, especially when Peeves, with a voice quite unlike his usual cheeky tone, asked "Who's here, now? Where are you? Have you got it?"  
  
Sirius carefully balanced the skull on one hand, stretching it out of the cloak so that only the hand and the cranium could be seen. "It *is* this you are looking for, isn't it?"  
  
Peeves, his ghostly eyes wide, tried to snatch the skull away, but Sirius pulled his hand back quickly, moving aside a meter or so silently.  
  
"Give it me!" Peeves roared, his voice now quite alarmed.  
  
"You can have it," Sirius answered levelly, still in the same low whisper. "But, Peeves, what are you willing to pay for it?"  
  
"Anything! You can have anything! Just give it me!"  
  
"Anything? Indeed, what high words! But are you willing to swear on your own grave, and on your skull here," he let the cranium blink through the cloak for a short moment, "that you will keep your promise?"  
  
"Yes! I swear! Anything! Just give it me!" Peeves was, by now, quite apoplectic. That is, if ghosts were able to be apoplectic, which they probably weren't.  
  
"Good. You know what it means if a ghost swears on his own grave and skull and breaks his word, don't you. Well, I'll not be asking much. Just..." Sirius flung the cloak aside swiftly, then continued with his normal voice, "your assistance in writing a song." He smiled, then a thought came to him. "Oh, and of course, your continued assistance if ever I should need it again. And no giving me away to the teachers."  
  
Peeves looked at him, crestfallen. He was obviously quite unwilling to admit to himself that a sixteen-year old boy had got the better of him. But, as all ghosts, he was bound to his word, so he nodded numbly as Sirius placed the old cranium on the table before him.  
  
"And, what kind of song would you be needing?"  
  
Sirius thought that the poltergeist sounded quite humble for once, and grinned at this as he told Peeves what they had planned.  
  
Shortly after that, Peeves left the room, swearing softly and cradling his skull close to himself.  
  
Sirius finally dared to let out the laughter that had been bubbling up inside him for a while now as he flung the cloak around his body once more, then consulted the Marauder's Map. Nobody about, except for the rapidly moving spot of the poltergeist.  
  
Now, to the other task. Skimming through the papers on the table, he soon found the two he was looking for. He paused undecidedly when he read the name "Remus Lupin" printed on one page in small, neat letters, but finally decided against reading or even tampering with it. Wouldn't be right, he thought. Though he did read the two others with glee.  
  
And then, flicking his wand, he altered the words on the papers. 


	4. Chapter 3: Valentine's Day

Chapter 3 - Valentine's Day  
  
When Valentine's Day finally came, the whole school was in a frenzy. Or at least, the entire upper form. Especially those attending Divination lessons, but the others also. The same questions were repeated in many a head. 'Will I get a card?' 'Will he remember?' 'Who will the Love Match pair me up with?' 'Are we a compatible couple?' 'Does she even like me?' And so on.  
  
And it wasn't very different with the Marauders - only Remus seemed not at all unsettled as he calmly sipped his tea at breakfast. However, the four boys were now anxiously awaiting another event, which distracted them from the 'Love Match Terror', as it had been named.  
  
"I thought you said you'd found someone to do it?" Sirius asked James, impatience clearly ringing in his voice as dropped the butter knife for the third time.  
  
"I did. Had a hard job convincing him, too, but there's not a dwarf in England who's sullen face doesn't light up at the sound of silver and gold. And Grimbeard's no different." Grimbeard was the Potter's house servant. "I really hope Peeves' song's worth it!"  
  
"Um, yeah." Sirius murmured. He hadn't actually *seen* the song, but he wouldn't admit that to the others. But then, there'd be more than one surprise today anyway, so they would have a ball even if the song weren't that good...  
  
Just then, the large swing doors to the Great Hall opened, and a small, stocky figure hobbled in, his face set in a grim way as he stamped towards the Hufflepuff table, where he came to a halt in front of a tall, blonde seventh year who was airily gazing into his knife - probably to see his own reflection there. He only gazed up as the dwarf cleared his throat, quite loudly and impatiently. There may be little a dwarf wouldn't do for the right price, but that didn't mean that he wasn't put out at having to wear wings and a toga. Not to mention the stupid golden miniature harp.  
  
"Mr. Lockhart?" he asked, gruffly.  
  
"Yes?" the boy looked up, tearing his gaze from the knife only with difficulty. Finally noticing the dwarf that had silenced the entire room already, his eyes widened, then he let out a squeak, happily waving over to Remus. "Oh, Remus, you were right!" he exclaimed, happily.  
  
Remus groaned. He'd hoped that the stupid wench wouldn't mention his name. Now Snape would know...  
  
"I'll go on with the message now," the dwarf grimly spoke, then opened a brightly painted pink card he was holding. "I'll sing it to you now."  
  
With a deep bass, the dwarf sourly roared his song, holding his self-playing harp more like an axe or a similar weapon than a musical instrument.  
  
"Gilderoy, oh Gilderoy,  
Just seeing you gives me such joy,  
Your golden hair! Your glamorous eyes!  
In which such exquisite beauty lies.  
  
"And then your voice, so rich and full  
Your words so charming, ne'er dull  
Oh, Gilderoy, my Gilderoy,  
Tell me, could you love a boy?  
  
You might now wonder who I am  
Who fell so fully under your charm?  
I don't dare tell you, but hint you thus:  
I wish that the fates ne'er Sever-Us.  
  
"I rhyme on shape, but not on form  
And pray if you would know my dorm!  
Perhaps you'd think it to be a sin,  
But leave your door open, and I'll Slyther right In,  
  
"For you've Locked my Hart,  
And kept the key,  
Now won't you reciprocate,  
And in turn love me!  
  
His duty done, the dwarf stalked off, leaving the still-playing harp behind and tearing off the wings as he went. But Gilderoy Lockhart did not notice, nor did he notice the guffawing and mocking laughter of half the school (some of the lower forms didn't get the message, and most of the Slytherin table sat there in sulky silence. Snape wasn't exactly popular with even his own house, but he was a prefect after all.), the Marauders laughing out loudest of all. He was smiling broadly, waving the card that depicted a - actually very nicely done - picture of Gilderoy Lockhart in the arms of another boy. While the other boy had his back turned on the on-looking audience, no one doubted his identity, especially at the sight of the greasy hair.  
  
The Great Hall was still trembling with the laughter of so many pupils when Madame Dubois entered, smiling broadly, and carrying a stack of papers. Coming to a halt in front of the teacher's table, she clapped her large hands together loudly a couple of times. Suddenly, everyone was silent, even the first and second years. Everyone knew about the compatibility test, and everyone was either nervously or gleefully awaiting the results, if only to have something new to talk about.  
  
"Mes chers," Madame Dubois said brightly, oblivious to the anxiety in the room. "it iz ze day we 'ave waited for, le jour de la Saint-Valentin. I know you 'ave all been looking forward to this. So, I 'ave decided I will not make you wait any longer, and I will do ze charm now!"  
  
There were gasps all around. 'Here?' 'In front of everyone?' 'But...', and the delighted squeals and roars of those who hadn't participated due to not being in the upper form or not having Divination lessons.  
  
Ignoring the protesting voices, Madame Dubois went on. "now, now, silence, tout le monde, or I might make a mistake with ze charm, and then it will come out all wrong!"  
  
Reluctantly, the room silenced down to subdued whispers as the French lady started to mutter the words of the spell, waving her wand swiftly in front of her stack of papers. Bare three seconds later, the papers floated up into the air, flicking around to and fro like leaves in a wind.  
  
By and by, the papers formed pairs of two (and one group of three, which should later lead to a lot of gossip in the school), then each pair exploded with a sparkling pink explosion, and scattered all around the Hall, pink, heart-shaped cards started to appear at some seats. Mostly everyone was quick to grab their card swiftly, so that no one would see the name written on it, and excited talking (and some hysteric exclamations) roared up in the Hall like a storm after the calm.  
  
James gave a loud shriek of enjoyment when the name on his card actually came out to be 'Lily Potter', though it could hardly be made out to come from him in all the uproar the Love Match charm had by now caused.  
  
Peter shot a swift glance at his card, then hung his head low. He hadn't dared to hope the charm would match him up with the Slytherin girl, but why would it choose a girl that fancied his best friend, a girl who obviously had it bad for tall, gangling, handsome Quidditch players?  
  
Remus read the name on his card with an unreadable expression, then tucked it away in his pocket carefully, his face never betraying any emotion.  
  
Sirius didn't even bother to read his card before putting it in his pocket carelessly, but nudged the other Marauders, his eyes shining brightly.  
  
"Don't bother with the cards, you can read them later! Watch *Snape*, now!"  
  
Four heads turned towards Snape. Four pairs of eyes observed his face growing redder and redder, then, finally, four mouths broadened into wide grins as Snape sprang up from his chair, sputtering obscenities as he stamped out of the room, much like the 'Cupid Dwarf' before him, Gilderoy Lockhart closely at his heels. The blonde boy was chattering excitedly, and though they could not make out the words against the loud talk of the Hall, it was obvious who Severus Snape had been paired off with.  
  
When the two boys were out of the room, the three clueless Marauders turned towards Sirius, mouths agape. It was Peter who finally spoke:  
  
"That spell must me malfunctioning, or something. Lockhart and *Snape*? And how did *you* know about it, Sir?"  
  
Sirius grinned benevolently, like a master regarding his apprentice. "Ah, my dear Mister Wormtail, the spell is not malfunctioning in any way. It is solely due to the genius of Mister Padfoot that we bared witness to this extraordinary display of affection on our esteemed friend's part."  
  
James cleared his throat. "Mister Prongs would highly appreciate to know how Mister Padfoot managed to achieve such a rare moment of, er, genuine affection on aforementioned friend's facial expression?"  
  
Chuckling, Sirius finally related to his friends his meeting with Peeves in the Divination classroom, and how he had stumbled on the questionnaires. At this, Remus suddenly shot him a sharp glance, but refrained from commenting as Madame Dubois clapped her hands once again.  
  
"Now, me chers, it iz time for me to announce our most compatible couple. Az I 'ave promised, and with 'eadmaster Dumbledore's approval, zey will 'ave a free, romantique diner in 'ogsmead zis evening."  
  
Chatter once more made way to tension. Everybody ws anxious to hear who the 'Most compatible couple' would be. Especially those who hadn't participated, since to their disappointment it hadn't actually been made common knowledge who was best matched to whom.  
  
"Monsieur Potter, Mademoiselle Evans congratulations!" Madame Dubois smiled kindly as near to everyone in the school stared excitedly at a very red-faced James Potter and blushing Lily Evans, then, gradually, the Great Hall exploded into a roar of cheers and applause. Everyone in the school knew James and Lily, one being Quidditch captain and the other a Gryffindor chaser. And near to everyone thought they made a fabulous pair.  
  
Still very crimson in colour, James finally dared to look at Lily, prodded by his friends, and met her anxious look. Finally, a tiny smile appeared on the girl's face, and James breathed a sigh of relief. 


	5. Chapter 4: Rendezvous

Chapter 4 - Rendezvous  
  
The day couldn't pass fast enough for James Potter. A private, candlelight dinner with Lily! And she seemed to approve! Winning the house-cup and being appointed head boy and both on his birthday couldn't have pleased James any more than the outcome of that morning. When the hour finally came, he was excited and flushed, nevertheless he looked quite dashing in his ocean blue dress robes. Fortunately, Remus had been able to concoct a potion to change his hair back to their usual midnight black.  
  
James finally left the dorm followed by cheers and 'good luck' wishes from his friends.  
  
Only minutes after, Peter left the dorm to meet up with Melissa Trotter. After their being matched up in the charm she had sweetly asked him to come and study with her in the library, and though Peter had a sneaking suspicion that her reason for it was to press him for details on the nature of the relationship between James and Lily, he'd agreed to go over their history essays together.  
  
Both of their friends gone, Sirius soon noticed the guarded looks Remus was shooting him every now and then. In all the excitement of the day he'd forgotten the suspicious glance at the breakfast table, but now he came to wonder what was buggering his friend.  
  
At first, he decided to ignore it, but soon he found that Remus' repeated silence was making him quite nervous. When he could take it no longer, he turned to the other boy, matching their eyes levelly.  
  
"Remus, what..."  
  
He didn't even have to finish the sentence before Remus exploded. "Sirius, have you changed any of the other questionnaires?"  
  
Sirius pondered this for a moment. Why would Remus ask him such a question? "Of course I haven't. Okay, so I've read a few, and I probably shouldn't have done that, but..."  
  
"Did you read mine?"  
  
Remus seemed so agitated, but Sirius couldn't quite figure out why that should be. "Of course not. You should know I wouldn't. I admit that I've read Lily's, but only so that I'd know whether James would need friendly comforting or friendly encouragement after the charm. I wouldn't read yours, or James' or Peter's. Wouldn't be right, kind of. Besides, we know almost everything about each other, I could simply ask you if I wanted to know what you'd written."  
  
Remus was still staring at him, expression as unreadable as it had been that morning at the breakfast table.  
  
"What, you don't believe me? Fine!"  
  
Sirius jumped up from his bed with an impulse, and strode towards the door, face set. He wasn't used to his friends not believing what he said. Sure, there had been some disagreements within their little circle, the worst being roughly three months ago after the incident with Snape, but they'd never mistrusted each other.  
  
"Sirius, wait! It's just..."  
  
But Sirius didn't wait to hear what it was just. He stomped off through the common room, waving off questions about James and Lily. Remus didn't follow him.  
  
***  
  
Some minutes later, Sirius found himself somewhere about the Eastern wing of the castle. He knew he was near the Ravenclaw common room, though he didn't know where exactly it was.  
  
Sirius Black had a very hot temper, a temper that had brought him into more trouble than he cared to remember, but just as quick as he was to explode was his calming afterwards, and he never held a grudge for more than half an hour. Thus, he was quite willing to go back to their dorm and sort things out with Remus - pity was, since the staircases had shifted behind him he couldn't really determine how to come back, as he hadn't followed his own steps due to his anger at being mistrusted, and by Remus of all people!  
  
Looking for signs that would remind him of the way back, Sirius suddenly stopped in his tracks as he heard a very soft, very clear voice, singing a beautiful but mourning song. Entranced by the sound that seemed not quite human but more ethereal, he followed it until he faced a heavy oak door with many woodcarvings upon it.  
  
The voice sounded even clearer now, and Sirius was shook with a remorse the reason for which he could not place. It was as if an age-old grief was flooding through him, a grief not his own, yet so very real it almost turned his stomach.  
  
Unsure of how to proceed, Sirius finally gathered his wits and very softly gave a short knock to the door. He knew the person - whoever she was - inside would probably want to be left alone, but he simply had to know who was singing these wonderful and so tremendously sad tunes.  
  
The door opened by itself, and at the same time, the voice inside stopped singing.  
  
Taking the opening door as an invitation, Sirius stepped into the room. There, by the tower's window, sat a woman, skin white as porcelain and translucent, clad in a dress that had once been black, but was now a shimmering, transparent grey. She wore a grey veil, but beneath it Sirius could see her large, black eyes, darkened even further with sorrow.  
  
Sirius knew the woman, though he had never seen her. She was the Grey Lady, the Ravenclaw Ghost. Ravenclaws guarded her like a secret, but every now and then one would overhear them talking about her in hushed voices, when telling the new first years about her, for example. She was clad in grey, they said, as she had died wearing mourning clothes, and a veil covered her face. And, the pupils from old wizarding families would add, though their grandfathers and -mothers and their parents before them had been to Hogwart's, no one had ever heard the Grey Lady speak.  
  
As Sirius stepped into the room, he thought he saw the Lady's eyes light up for a moment, but a second after they were mournful again, and she turned her face away from him towards the window.  
  
"I'm sorry," Sirius muttered, and turned to go, but her upraised hand urged him to come nearer.  
  
Stepping closer to her slight form, he noticed a piece of very thick parchment laying in front of her, and next to it an old-fashioned quill and inkpot, a burnt-down candle, a piece of sealing wax and a signet ring which embedded a rose.  
  
Unsure of what to do he looked at the lady, but she urged him towards the letter. Carefully observing her reaction, he picked it up, and when she showed no sign of disapproval, he read the faded ink on the old parchment. It was hard to decipher the old writing and archaic language, but he finally translated the first paragraph:  
  
To Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington, February Fourteenth 1493.  
Dearest friend. I cannot wait any longer. I have been sitting here in this room every night since the Eve of All-Hallows, when we were supposed to meet, but you never showed. Should this letter ever reach you --  
  
He did not read on, but instead turned to the lady.  
  
"You... you know that Near... that Sir Nicholas died on October 31st that year you wanted to meet?" he asked, delicately. Nearly Headless Nick never failed to boast with the fact that he had died on the 'day of the dead'. The Lady nodded her head, slowly, then, her gaze never leaving his, outstretched her arms. The silvery marks on her forearms gave Sirius the answer he'd been looking for.  
  
"You didn't know when you wrote the letter?"  
  
The Lady shook her head.  
  
"And you... you..." he indicated her wrists, as not to offend her by saying it out loud. Slowly, she nodded again.  
  
"But, you do know that Sir Nicholas is here in the castle?"  
  
Once more, she nodded, but now it seemed almost with an air of desperation that she did it, and again she indicated the letter.  
  
Sirius thought about everything he knew about ghosts, then asked her: "You can't leave this part of the castle until that letter is delivered, right?"  
  
Still with the air of a lady, but non-the-less seeming desperate she nodded her head.  
  
"But why hasn't anyone found this letter before in such a long time?"  
  
She indicated the door, then the date on the letter. Sirius nodded thoughtfully.  
  
"I'll deliver the letter for you."  
  
The expression she now showed was one of utter thankfulness, and a glimmer of hope appeared in her eyes beneath the veil.  
  
"I'll... I'll come back to you when I've found him. I'll find him, don't worry, Milady. I'll be back."  
  
Quickly, he left the room, the letter in hand. He passed a couple of portraits, but their inhabitants were obviously off somewhere else, so he couldn't ask for direction. Just when he was about to give up, a fifth year he knew from the Hogwart's Express entered the hallway from another passage. She pointed him to the right stairway willingly, and Sirius set off in a hurry. If what he'd presumed from the 'conversation' with the Grey Lady, he had only until midnight to find Sir Nick, or the door would be closed again, and he had no idea where he should find the Lady then.  
  
Thinking the Marauder's Map would be helpful, he went back to the Gryffindor dorm, quite forgetting the disagreement he'd had with Remus. Besides, Remus was as incapable of being resentful towards his friends as he was himself.  
  
In the dorm, he found Remus still sitting on the bed, a thoughtful expression on his face as he looked at the small, heart-shaped card he'd received at this morning's Love Match spell. Sirius filed the thought into his mind. He'd have to ask Remus about that later. For now, he related in short his meeting with the Ravenclaw ghost to his friend while he extracted their precious map from its hiding place.  
  
Bare three minutes later, two boys could be seen scampering along the corridors of the Gryffindor wing, excitedly following the trail of the old noble ghost. Their path led them to the dungeons, a wide complex that spread beneath all of Hogwart's. The Marauders knew this part of the castle well, many an adventure had been to explore these corridors with their old, eerie silence, their ancient stone carvings, and their instruments of torture and death, still displayed as they were hundreds of years ago.  
  
They finally found the ghost they were seeking in one of those chambers of torture, sitting on a tree stump, resentfully eying a large axe that lay beside it, glimmering with a silver light that came not from the torches in the dungeon but from the old blood turned ghost upon it. The same silvery substance could be seen all around the stump, luminescent in the candlelight.  
  
Sir Nick was muttering to himself angrily. "Couldn't do a straight job of it, now could they. It can't be *that* hard to sharpen an axe, can it? Bloody rich enough to use a new one, anyway, but *no*. Use the old blunt one. Sir Nick won't mind being a *nearly* headless ghost. Ha!"  
  
At this, he noticed the two boys standing in the room with him, averting their eyes from the axe and the blood delicately.  
  
"Now, and what would *you* two want here at this time, he? Out of bed and everything."  
  
"It's not bedtime yet!" Sirius argued promptly.  
  
"We have a message for you, sir." Remus produced, much more helpful to the task at hand.  
  
"Who from?" Sir Nick asked, bewildered. Ghosts could move so swiftly through the castle that messages seemed to most like a waste of time, and they hardly had any correspondence outside the castle, seeing that most people they'd known weren't only dead, but fallen to dust several hundred years ago.  
"The Grey Lady, sir, the Ravenclaw ghost," Sirius said eagerly.  
  
"Ha!" Nearly Headless Nick exclaimed once more. "She's bloody late with that. Went over there to speak with her plenty of times in the past hundreds of years. She won't answer me."  
  
"I don't really think she can, sir," Sirius said carefully and respectfully. "I still think you'd be interested in this particular letter."  
  
He produced the old parchment carefully, aware of its age. The ghost's eyes lighted up in wonder and awe as he saw the date.  
  
"Blimey," he said. "No wonder she never answered me! Had her tongue cut out, poor thing, protecting me of all people!"  
  
Sirius and Remus both remained delicately silent.  
  
"But I don't understand. I've been to that room often a times, right after I came back as a ghost. Wouldn't open, nor let me pass through the door or the walls."  
  
"I think," Sirius offered, "it's only open on Valentine's Day, for some reason."  
  
"Blimey!" Sir Nick exclaimed, once more. "Of course! Oh, I've been a bloody imbecile to not think of that. Come, my friends, we'll go there right now!"  
  
And with the air of a noble of the elder days, Sir Nick lead the way through the dungeons, careful not to sift through any walls or locked doors, yet so swiftly that the boys had a hard time following.  
  
When they arrived at the room where Sirius had found the Ravenclaw ghost, they were both panting. Again, the door had opened on it's own, but this time the Lady sprang (or flew) up from her chair in delight as her eyes settled on Sir Nick and the old letter in his hand.  
  
The two Gryffindor boys smiled at both of them, then decided to retreat as to leave the two ghosts to themselves, but stopped as the Grey Lady once more indicated Sirius to stay.  
  
"I know not how to thank you two!" Sir Nick said, regarding the boys with a look of pure glee.  
  
But it was the Grey Lady who did so. Suddenly, the air seemed to crackle with energy, as Sirius recognized the fair voice he'd heard sing earlier. The veil of the Lady never moved, so she couldn't have spoken them with her lips.  
  
"Look in your right pocket, Sirius Black."  
  
Then, the two ghosts turned to one another, and Sirius and Remus knew they were dismissed, so they quickly scrambled out and back to their own dorm. 


	6. Chapter 5: My Pink Valentine

Chapter 5 - My Pink Valentine  
  
Finally back in their own dorm - still no trace of James and Peter -, Sirius heeded to the words of the Grey Lady, for he never doubted the voice they'd heard had been hers. In his right pocket, he felt a piece of thin, crumpled cardboard. Taking it out of his pocket, he recognized the pink Valentine card from this morning. Amidst all the excitement about James and his adventure with the ghosts later on, he'd forgotten all about it.  
  
"Sirius," Remus said carefully, "I..."  
  
But Sirius had already opened the card, and gazed with wonder at its contents. There stood, in nicely printed letters, only two words, but an entire letter couldn't have conveyed more to the boy, for the two words read as a single name he'd most hoped but never expected to read on his card. 'Remus Lupin'  
  
After a second or so, he sheepily looked up at his friend.  
  
"I know you haven't tampered with it, so I'm sorry I suspected you earlier. It's just..."  
  
Sirius nodded with understanding. "You thought it was all another prank on my part to unsettle you."  
  
"Stupid of me, really. And I know it doesn't mean anything, I mean, we're all four of us the best-matched friends I think Hogwart's has ever seen, but..."  
  
Remus trailed off, and Sirius searched the face of his friend for a sign of something he wished desperately to find.  
  
"It could," he finally said carefully, his eyes never leaving his friend's. "Mean something, I mean. If you want it to."  
  
"Do... would you?"  
  
Sirius waited for a long moment, but he found only acceptance in Remus' eyes, and... something else, something akin maybe to his own vigilantly guarded longing.  
  
"I would," he smiled.  
  
"As would I," Remus answered, and there really was no need for any other words as their lips finally met in an awkward, tentative first kiss.  
  
There's no knowing where this would have lead to, but just at that moment Remus' keen ears could make out the steps on the stairs leading to their dorm, and remorsefully broke away from Sirius. They would tell their friends about this newest development, of course, but for now it seemed to be something so new and precious that they wanted to keep it to themselves just a little longer.  
  
So, when James and shortly after him Peter came into the room - it was near bedtime already - they found their two friends calmly lying on Sirius' bed on their belly's, going over homework together.  
  
Much excitement ensued afterwards. There was, of course, James' detailed and very happy recounting of his evening with Lily, which had (of course, his friends all thought with some exasperation) turned out to be a full-blown success. There was also, a little less excited but nevertheless happy, Peter's evening with Melissa, who had - much to his own amazement - never even mentioned James.  
  
And as is way when such tales are recounted, time flew past quickly, and soon all four of them felt quite tired and finally went to their own beds yawning, though not before a secret look of promise was shared between Sirius and Remus.  
  
***  
  
A/N: And this, gentlebeings, is where I could leave you. If you've enjoyed the story, or (almost more importantly) if you thought there was something I could have managed better, I'd appreciate a review. There is more to this story, and part of it posted here, but it inevidably leads to a censored NC-17 scene which you will have to request by email if you would like to read it, so continue at your own discretion. 


	7. Chapter 6: A bludger to the head

Chapter 6 - A bludger to the head is a piece of good luck  
  
The next day was a school day, of course, so the four Marauders got up early to go down for breakfast. Slight adjustments to their usual sitting arrangements did not pass unnoticed to the rest of the school. Sirius gave up his traditional place next to James for Lily, and instead took her seat next to Remus - an arrangement that was quite agreeable to both pairs, though the rest of the school didn't know that.  
  
This new arrangement also made it easier for Remus to pass a note to Sirius unnoticed, short, simple words hastily scribbled on a serviette.  
  
'Meet me at the Shack tonight?'  
  
Sirius responded by merely smiling at Remus, then gave him a short nod.  
  
After this, the day couldn't pass swiftly enough for the two Gryffindor boys. Especially Sirius, who didn't have his friend's calm attitude to waiting for something, felt quite restless all through their lessons that morning, and barely managed to gather enough attention for doing his homework.  
  
Even worse was the evening's Quidditch practice James had arranged. Not only that all through practice James and Lily shared some not-so-secret looks that Sirius felt quite jealous of, not only that it was paralysingly cold in the February evening air, and not only that Sirius was so distracted he caught more bludgers with his head than with his bat. He was by now desperate to figure out a way of getting to the Shack unnoticed.  
  
He couldn't well ask James for the invisibility cloak without telling him what he needed it for, and by the time they'd be finished with practicing it would be almost bedtime. The risk of being caught by one of the teachers was at its peek at that time.  
  
Desperately trying to think of a solution to this problem, Sirius got hit by another bludger, square on the chest this time, that sent him flying towards the ground in a dangerous-looking spiral.  
  
Quick to grasp the severity of the situation, James speeded down on his own broom, only just managing to grasp Sirius to him before the other boy would have made a non-too-graceful landing on the hard ground.  
  
"Sirius! Pay attention!" James screamed, more out of fright than in real anger.  
  
"Sorry." Sirius answered numbly. He'd been shocked out of his thoughts by the cruel fall.  
  
"Okay, listen here, Sir. I don't know what's distracting you today, but I think it would be life-threatening to let you play on. Come on, give me your bat and your broom. You're dismissed from practice for today. Sleep over it or something. Pete'll fill in." Peter always attended their practices as an on-looker, his fascination with Quidditch never shaken from the fact that he was only a second fill.  
  
Sirius tried desperately to show some signs of remorse, but couldn't help feeling that a piece of luck had been thrown his way. He was already outside the castle, kids-play to get to the Whomping Willow now. He'd still have to think about a way for them to get back into the castle unnoticed later on, but later on was far from his thoughts at that time.  
  
He could just make out James' "Peter, grab that bat, you're filling in for Sir," before he scrambled away quickly, albeit still somewhat shaken from the force of his fall. 


	8. Author's Notes and The Challenge

This is the challenge I received:  
  
The fic must include (in any which way you like):   
  
1. Someone's hair being dyed pink (don't care whose,  
don't care the situation) but it has to be a Marauder  
(Lily included).  
2. A Valentine sent by Cupin dwarf a la Chamber of Secrets.  
Circumstances I leave up to you as well  
3. A Love Match. This is a spell (possibly done by Flitwick)  
that will give you results according to a previously filled  
out questionaire who in the school you are most compatible  
with. The most compatible couple wins a free candlelit dinner.  
Gee...wonder who will win? lol.  
4. Aim for NC-17, but if it doesn't happen it's all right,  
I understand how fickle muses can be, especially smutty ones.  
Author's Notes: Well, and this is (or rather was) the story as posted in reply, minus the NC-17 bits. I must admit my muses showed me the rear on this one. I wanted to write a smutty story with some humourous bits tucked in here and there, but it developed more and more into a humour story (though probably not a very good one) with a little ghost story sideplot, but I really couldn't decide on anything better.  
  
Again, if you would like to read the concluding (and smutty) chapter, please email me privately with an age statement and I'll send it over to you.  
  
Cheers,  
Reija Linn 


End file.
